Christmas keeps creeping....
Now there is only 12 days til Christmas. I have done very little to prepare. I have bought a few cards and a few small gifts. The real meaningful ones are still stuck in limbo.
I looked a Christmas cards today. Who writes those cards? One is too sweet, one is too meaningful. One is so casual. Do I give a mushy card, only to get no card in return? Do I let my feelings be known or just hold them in check. What is that damn expression, "He is just not that into you." Should be a card for that.
Even cards for my children are no better. There are no cards that say. Thanks for causing my to shed so many tears this year. Thanks for reminding me how awful our lives were.
Got another call today, and realized what a rough time my son is having. Finances are in the tank and then his dog has to be put down.
Damn old cancer strikes again.So far one good husband and two sweet dogs. Not to mention a wonderful sister in law a few years back.
I am so down last few days. I went on whirlwind weekend to Daytona. With my heart on my sleeve I might add. We did lots of neat things and made some nice memories. Bottom line as we arive home. "Where is my stuff? Where is my camera? Is this mine? You would have thought I would be taking the car and leaving the country. He couldn't get his things and and get back to his old routines fast enough. I will talk to you tomorrow. Not, I have had great time and I don't want to let you out of my sight.
Same problem different day.I want to belong. He needs to have his freedom. Right now I just want to shout, take your damn freedom, and run with it. Can I find the strengh to do that? Not too probable, most likely I will scramble back to"my needs aren't that important" mode real soon.
Did I happen to mention that the 2 year anniversary of my precious hubby death is fast approaching. Along with a hundred more first time anniversaries. Like sleepy alone, talking the car mechanic, Getting a new roof. Watching my son drive off to live in another state. Buying a new car. Firing the lawn guy. Hiring a new one. Oh the joys of widowhood....
I suppose from a distance anyone can see why a guy would distance himself from me. I am emotional jello. I need a strong anchor to get me thru this storm.Is there a guy out there who is strong enough to let me work thru my grief. I would be willing to help his work thru his grief. Except for the fact that most men don't work thru their grief. They just bury it in work and hobbies.
Christmas will come whether I am ready or not. It did last year.
I looked a Christmas cards today. Who writes those cards? One is too sweet, one is too meaningful. One is so casual. Do I give a mushy card, only to get no card in return? Do I let my feelings be known or just hold them in check. What is that damn expression, "He is just not that into you." Should be a card for that.
Even cards for my children are no better. There are no cards that say. Thanks for causing my to shed so many tears this year. Thanks for reminding me how awful our lives were.
Got another call today, and realized what a rough time my son is having. Finances are in the tank and then his dog has to be put down.
Damn old cancer strikes again.So far one good husband and two sweet dogs. Not to mention a wonderful sister in law a few years back.
I am so down last few days. I went on whirlwind weekend to Daytona. With my heart on my sleeve I might add. We did lots of neat things and made some nice memories. Bottom line as we arive home. "Where is my stuff? Where is my camera? Is this mine? You would have thought I would be taking the car and leaving the country. He couldn't get his things and and get back to his old routines fast enough. I will talk to you tomorrow. Not, I have had great time and I don't want to let you out of my sight.
Same problem different day.I want to belong. He needs to have his freedom. Right now I just want to shout, take your damn freedom, and run with it. Can I find the strengh to do that? Not too probable, most likely I will scramble back to"my needs aren't that important" mode real soon.
Did I happen to mention that the 2 year anniversary of my precious hubby death is fast approaching. Along with a hundred more first time anniversaries. Like sleepy alone, talking the car mechanic, Getting a new roof. Watching my son drive off to live in another state. Buying a new car. Firing the lawn guy. Hiring a new one. Oh the joys of widowhood....
I suppose from a distance anyone can see why a guy would distance himself from me. I am emotional jello. I need a strong anchor to get me thru this storm.Is there a guy out there who is strong enough to let me work thru my grief. I would be willing to help his work thru his grief. Except for the fact that most men don't work thru their grief. They just bury it in work and hobbies.
Christmas will come whether I am ready or not. It did last year.
posted by Emotionalgirl at
4:05 PM
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